Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in abercrombie24's LiveJournal:

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Monday, November 15th, 2004
6:34 pm	Hello!! Damn!! i havent written in here since i was a little kid!! haha.. well, i went to Europe this last summer and l.a after that.. and now im living in New York City.. just like ive always wanted.. its so fucking great.. i love it here.. i miss all of my family and friends.. but ive met so many awesome people here.. its crazy.. i cant wait to be famous.. Current Mood: giggly Current Music: You Make Me Wanna - Jada (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 17th, 2002
8:57 pm	What if I Told You It Was All Just a Dream... (sigh).. i haven't written in this little journal thing-a-ma-jig for days.. but oh well.. i think ill start again. life is okay.. the van blew up a couple of weeks ago.. yesterday i got my braces changed. i have the steal wires now and they are closing the gaps where they took out my teeth. they hurt really bad. school life is okay. my grades haven't been too well. friends are great. partying is excellent. what else.. nothing much to write.. i havent talked to a lot of people in a while. i miss a lot of things. i miss the days of innocence.. of not knowing all of the bad things in life were still to come. of not knowing that friendships would end so abruptly. but.. thats all in the past. we need to live life in the present.. and not worry too much about the future because if you do that.. you might not make it out easily. just some words that im just jotting down. school today was annoying.. i had a lab in chemistry.. photography was easy.. nothing to do.. oh yeah.. i got called to my counselors office and right when i got back.. i got called into the vice principals office.. it was crazy.. but anyways.. i dont even remember spanish.. im thinking about going back to winters and just taking extra classes at a community college. but i would miss so many people here.. .. maybe i just need to visit everyone in winters. their powder puff game was yesterday. i didnt go.. i didnt have a car.. oh yeah.. my 6 months are up.. theyve been up.. ive had my license for about 7 months.. woo hoo for me. hah hopefully i can use the probe tomorrow.. well, i have to get offline and call my grandpa about that.. later (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 3rd, 2002
9:50 am	Left With Nothing To Say... hello... its been a while since i wrote in this thing. today is the 1 year anniversary of the death of my cousin Stacy. There was a memorial service this last weekend in Corona. i didnt go. on august 25th, it was the 1 year anniversary of the death of aaliyah. in a couple days, it will be the 1 year anniversary of sept. 11th. i did a lot of stuff over the summer.. on july 20th, i went to new york. i came back on august 5th. i saw ground zero and all of that stuff. hmm.. i have been partying a lot this weekend because it was labor day weekend... hmm.. what else has happened... i dont really know.. i got to hang out with AnnG a couple of days ago. we went to winters and just visited with friends from there.. we used up about an hour of our time looking for a party that never occured.. so that irritated us.. hmm.. then we Depilated.. haha.. AnnG.. only you will get that... but umm.. then i went to winters because my cousin got back from down south.. we went to esparto and went and saw cassie.. umm.. then i went online.. boring... but on friday was vianey's party.. then saturday was a lil party for my dad and vanessas party.. then sunday was that.. umm.. what did i do sunday.. oh yeah.. looked for that party with AnnG... then monday went to esparto.. and today im not at school because i have to go to the orthodontist AND get my teeth cleaned.. i have to go to vacaville.. get my wires out.. go to davis, get my teeth cleaned.. then go all the way back to vacaville and get new wires.. hopefully i get the steel ones.. but umm. yeah.. i think i will try to update this thing more often.. Current Mood: working Current Music: "Angel" - Amanda Perez (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, July 4th, 2002
10:46 pm	Get Into Something... yeah.. i hate alcohol.. it has ruined my family life forever. i have been online about 3 times but i havent updated my journal.. i have one entry .. but it isnt finished yet, so i saved it in my mail box.. i will finish updating it later.. but umm.. yeah so today is the 4th of july.. im here at my grandparent's house... guess why.. because my dad was being an asshole threatening to beat the shit out of me for no reason.. hes drunk, and i hate him... so... i have been haning out with natalie a lil bit.. yesterday was so much fun.. we just hung out for the evening.. it was nice.. we even went to burger king.. my stomach hurt afterwards though because i ate too much. so today.. this morning, i went swimming.. and then natalie came over and then we went and picked up sam and ryan.. that took about an hour and a half.. haha.. then we went out to natalie's grandma's house and went swimming there.. it was boring and i was really tired and i didnt really feel very comfortable.. so i was reclusive.. but talking to natalie's aunt was pretty nice. ahah.. shes a nice person.. then since i was being reclusive, i wanted to go back home so natalie was a great friend and took me home.. then i stayed home for about 30 minutes.. then i told my mom to go and get me some video games.. she did that and then left to someones bar-b-q... then i was home and shellica had been calling.. it was great to hear from her.. shes fuckin 17 already!... anyways.. so then we went to the park to see all of the fireworks.. walked around.. saw some people.. then came home.. and then i get home and my dad is all drunk and starts yelling at me saying that he had said that i was grounded and not to go anywhere.. when he never even said that at all.. so he was going crazy and we were yelling at each other for days.. with the window open.. yeah.. so i called my grandpa cuz i didnt wanna be there.. who WOULD wanna be there with some crazy guy yelling at you saying shit to you.. you know... (sigh).. i had to get outta there.. so now im here.. with nothing to do... the night is still young.. hmm.. i wonder what natalie is up to.. i bet they are all having fun.. i should have stayed there with them.. but.. yeah.. you make mistakes all the time right? i hope so. so i have to go to Tower Records in Davis tomorrow because they are having a fat ass sale where every c.d is only $12.99.. or something like that. so im really excited.. i need to borrow about $200 from someone. haha.. i need to buy a lot of c.ds.. yeah.. i cant wait.. hopefully i can go with my mom's car and bring natalie or shelly.. but umm.. yeah.. i need to kick it with my winters buddies soon... hmm... i wonder what everybody did... AnnG!!!.. where are you at?!... i need to talk to you.. call me.. what is up with Donner Lake?... i really need to talk to you.. where are you?!?.. haha well, i guess im gonna go.. because theres a lot of stuff to write and if i dont update this now.. im afraid i will start writing more and i dont really want to.. haha.. alrighty.. ill see you later then everybody.. alright... bye... Current Mood: crappy Current Music: "Dillema" - Nelly ft. Kelly Rowland (Comment on this)
Saturday, June 29th, 2002
2:40 pm	Can't Help My Infatuation... ugh.. everything i wrote in this thing just got deleted.. i hate it when that happens.. but umm.. oh well... so ill try and remember everything i wrote and try to write it once again. umm.. i have been calling natalie and sarah a lot.. they are no where to be found.. no one even answers that phone at natalie's.. hmm.. maybe they are all gone on a big vacation or something.. umm.. i think i wrote a lil bit more on that.. but.. so.. i have an orthodontist appointment this coming up monday.. im so happy because each appointment is one appointment closer to me getting my damn braces off.. so i think optimistically on that.. umm.. i dont really remember what else i wrote because it was before all that.. and those things were the most recent in my memory.. umm.. so yeah... oh .. so yesterday i was over at my neighbor's house.. i havent been there in such a long time! i miss hanging out with them.. it was nice.. catching up on what we have been up to and things of that nature.. aww.. i said that i was hungry.. and michelle, my neighbor's mom was all.. oh well, ill make you some tacos and stuff.. and it was late at night.. i felt so special.. (smile).. it was nice having my old friends there to go to and.. just remenice.. i dont know if that is spelt right.. but it means.. you know.. to.. umm. think back and remember.. um.. yeah... so it was nice over there.. and then they had to go to bed and i came home and then i went out and bought taco bell.. my normal meal.. mm.. but.. now that i am trying to watch what i eat.. because the doctor said that i was overweight.. i realize that i dont have to buy all of the stuff that i buy at taco bell.. i could do without a burrito.. oh and ive lost 6 pounds.. so i dont think im overweight anymore.. at least i hope im not.. i could lose a couple more pounds.. but when we finish hooking our weight set up.. i will gain hella weight because ill be losing fat.. but gaining muscle.. and that weighs more.. so hopefully. ill be healthy.. but.. you know.. i already am healthy and i watch what i eat.. (sigh).. oh well.. i need to get out.. this house is so boring.. even if im not here all the time.. its just irritating.. but umm.. yeah.. im gonna go to winter maybe?.. hmm... last night.. i went by natalie's and the car wasnt there.. so i think she was out.. or maybe no one is home.. i dont know. ill have to go by there again today.. (sigh)... Current Mood: dorky Current Music: "One Step Closer" - Linkin Park (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 27th, 2002
12:25 am	Save The Best For Last... once again i am online.. haha.. im getting tired of writing in this journal.. but i vowed to write in it EVERY time i am online.. so.. umm.. yeah today was shellica's birthday.. (well, actually yesterday.. june 26th) she called over here.. and i wasnt here.. so i called back and shes all "you want some cake.. its not ice cream cake.. its birthday cake" and i was all.. "whose birthday is it?" and .. yeah.. i had forgotten.. i could have sworn her birthday was tomorrow.. but it wasnt. i felt so horrible.. she had thought i knew.. but.. if i knew, i would have told her earlier in the day when we went to target... so i went over there.. and had some cake.. and then talked for a while.. and then came home with the cake for my mom. but before i got home... before shellica called.. i was out running with my neighbor-friend, deana. we havent hung out or done anything for quite some time.. i miss hanging out with her. so.. earlier today i asked her sister to ask her if she wanted to go running with me when the sun went down.. she said yeah.. so.. i went over and then we started running to the park.. when we run, it is our time to catch up on things.. you know.. like what we have been up to.. what we are planning to do.. things of that nature. tomorrow (actually, today) they are going to six flags marine world.. with their cousins and then they are going to stay the night there. how fun... (sigh)... i think my cousin is back from hawaii.. i hope so.. anyways.. while we were running.. i saw jaclyn and sara molina. they were playing soccer.. so we ran over to each other and starting talking.. their summers are going pretty well. this summer, i plan to go camping with my great-uncle dave.. sara is coming too.. they are family friends.. so we were sort of talking about going camping.. i hope that will be fun.. i bet it will.. but umm.. yeah.. so then i explained to them why we were running.. i had went to the doctors for a physical and they said that i was overweight.. haha.. so i was trying to lose weight.. no one believed me when i said that.. they thought i was joking.. jaclyn was all.. "but your so fuckin skinny.. i dont believe you".. so.. (sigh)... yeah. then we ran home and i went over to shelly's.. then i watched t.v for a lil bit.. and now im online.. so i think im gonna hit the sack and .. my neck hurts.. Current Mood: blah Current Music: "Infatuation" - Christina Aguilera (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 26th, 2002
5:23 pm	I'm Gonna Be Alright... well, im online again, so im updating my journal.. i have noticed that i have been updating this thing a lot.. so today was actually pretty fun.. i went and picked up shellica and we went to vacaville.. she bought "nellyville" and i bought "let go" - avril lavigne, "b2k" - b2k, and "we invented the remix" - p. diddy... so im pretty happy about that.. then i went and took shellica to her job interview.. and i saw sierra which was nice.. we were talking and she was really happy and anxious to get a job.. she was coming out from finishing her interview.. then after about what seemed like an hour in the hot sun, shellica finally came out.. then we went home.. i dropped her off and then i came home.. oh wait.. before i dropped her off, we went to taco bell (mmm).. and then we talked to her friend at the drive-thru window and then went home and blah blah blah. im not gonna really talk about the whole depressing situation anymore cuz its getting old and i bet that the few people that read this are getting tired of it... and well.. so am i. but i am still hurting... my wound has not yet scabbed... but umm.. yeah.. so thats all that has been happening today. ugh.. my aunt and cousin and other cousin are over.. and they are just so annoying i wish they wouldnt come over so often. i loved it when i used to see them so spiratically.. when they lived in carmichael.. but now they live here.. and it just sucks.. i dont know.. i guess im a spoiled little brat.. because everytime they are here.. my neck cringes.. and i just want them to leave.. there hasnt been a day were i have had the house to myself where i can be as loud as i want and not have to put a shirt on when i go downstairs.. you know.. i just cant wait until i have a house of my own where i can do whatever i please.. but umm. yeah today.. she, my aunt, was all.. oh i have to stop eating.. and she and her son were eating all of our food, which we barely even have enough money to supply ourselves with food.. and then shes all.. or maybe your dad should stop buying such good food.. and then i was all .. or maybe you should just stop coming over.. and then we both laughed.. but she knew i was semi-serious... then she was kinda butt-hurt.. but never left.. they are barely leaving right now.. and its 6:00 pm. gawsh.. finally.. but umm.. i think i need counseling if im that rude.. i just cant stand them and they are so irritating.. but um. yeah. i think i have to go.. but umm. hopefully ill be on later.. or hopefully i wont be on later.. i think im gonna have fun running and burning those calories. haha.. Current Mood: nauseated Current Music: "I'm Gonna Be Alright" - J. Lo feat. Nas (Comment on this)
1:32 am	oops oh my oops.. i forgot a lot of stuff.. well, at my physical, i got a shot.. umm.. and today.. i got nelly's new c.d - "nellyville" umm.. i forgot a lot of other stuff.. but .. umm.. yeah... Current Mood: awake Current Music: "All You Wanted" - Michelle Branch (Comment on this)
12:39 am	I'll Be There.. Right By Your Side.. hmm... "I'll Be There.. Right By Your Side..".. what a quote.. obviously my "friends" have never heard of it.. actually.. a lot of them have.. but.. not the ones that i am refering to. right now, im having so many thoughts and feelings running through my mind. i dont know how to react to this. this kind of event.. well.. to put it blundtly.. ive never encountered this kind of occurence in my life.. and its just overwhelming. i have never had all of these emotions that im feeling simultaniously. i just.. maybe .. well, i just wanna say one thing.. to whoever might be reading this.. this might not be big to you.. but ive never dealt with this kind of thing before.. ive never been just.. ugh.. nevermind but um.. i hope not too many people read this... because.. oh well.. what am i saying.. no one reads this anyways... (sigh)... i am now realizing.. all of the things that people have been saying.. everything that people have been implying are coming true. i mean.. just people have been telling me all my life that friends arent important.. and im like.. your crazy.. and people would always tell me.. you can only trust yourself.. and id be all.. umm.. okay but now i realize.. that when it comes down to the bare minimum.. you have your TRUE friends that have been there for you since day 1.. and you have yourself.. NO.. you dont have your family.. they are always busy or want to know everything and just irritating... well, in my unfortunate case, i dont have my family.. if your lucky and your family has always been there for you and will come to your aid in a heartbeat.. you are very fortunate and should be thankful for that.. and never take it for granted.. i have learned in the past couple of days to cherish what you have.. you know.. everything.. i have some great friendships that i dont think will ever end... and because of that.. i am able to keep my sanity. i thank God for these kind of things.. that help me.. i just wish that people would realize what they do and how it affects people and situations around them. i hope that this experience will help me and make me grow.. as a better person. i have thankfully learned a lot from experiences from my life. im not a shit talker.. i wont go behind someones back and say crap about them.. i always try and evaluate the repercussions of something that i would do... and think something over. i try to think about how what i do or say will affect the situation i am in. i feel that i am a very rational person and that the person i am today has been greatly effected by events and occurences that i witnessed or have been in. i dont know.. i need to vent.. i am talking to a whole bunch of my real friends right now.. but i just need space to write my feelings down.. just for me... maybe i will look back on this tomorrow and .. i dont know.. realize.. hey.. its nothing big.. but then hopefully i will learn from this.. everything in life is a learning experience.. it just depends on what you decide to take from it. ill leave you with that <<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>><<>> Current Mood: distressed Current Music: "Count On Me".. ahha... how ironic (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 25th, 2002
6:23 pm	Everything's Gonna Be Alright... well, im online, so i though id update this thing.. but its not like anyone reads it. but umm.. yeah.. so obviously im bored.. a lot has happened.. but im not gonna write about it.. because im too bummed and tired. i have been chillin with my winters buddies.. its not the same as it used to be. i wanna go and buy some c.ds today/tonight.. because it is tuesday.. and movies and cds come out on tuesdays.. so.. yeah. (sigh).. my stomach hurts.. oh guess what.. i went and had my physical done.. and i got an "acne" prescription... but i dont really think its for acne.. okay.. you know when you get an ear infection.. or .. just.. an infection anywhere.. they give you these really big pink pills that smell like easter candy.. haha.. well, they gave me those.. i have to give them a 6-8 week trial.. they are supposed to stop the growth of pimples or something.. its not like i have really bad acne, its just that i wanted something that would make my little pimples go away quickly.. but.. yeah.. so im taking those pills and they make my stomach hurt. last night i went over to my friend's house and explained everything that has happened.. i was just thinking a lot.. and i couldnt really speak clearly.. my mind was somewhere else, so then i felt kinda dumb because.. yeah.. so tonight i guess im gonna go over there and watch movies and stuff .. that should be kinda fun. ooh.. i just ate a Market Fresh Deli Sandwich from Arby's.. mm.. yum yum. but now my stomach hurts because they are so gosh darn big. theres not really much for me to write down that i would feel comfortable with writing on here.. umm.. so.. oh yeah.. tuesday is here.. i forget that i was waiting for tuesday because it was supposed to be hot today.. and it was.. i actually used sun-block for the first time in ages.. i bought it at Sam's club the other week.. G.J came over and we played "marco-polo".. just like when we were younger and first moved into this house. i miss those days. i miss being young and not realizing that the things that i was witnessing would have such an effect on me later.. now that i have acknowleged all of that bad things and incidents that went down when i was younger.. i hate my childhood but um.. i guess im gonna go now.. haha i dont know what else to say and i know i shouldnt go into detail about anything.. so.. later Current Mood: uncomfortable Current Music: "Gots To Be" - B2K (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 23rd, 2002
12:57 am	I Feel Like I'm Orange Juice and Everyone Wants To Drink Me!!! umm.. its saturday night and im fuckin online.. i was about to say "get a life".. i had one .. it is on vacation right now in cancun with my friends that left me. yeah.. so my friends are in various places right now.. cancun, hawaii, colorado... and.. just places.. not with me.. fuckin natalie and sarah left me last night... they fuckin ditched me.. i mean.. i would expect it from one of them.. but.. you know.. i would think that the other one would call me and wait for me or something.. but fuck.. they just fuckin leave.. i was hella pissed.. so today, i call sarah and see whats up.. and .. sam's having a lil family get-together.. so i was like.. okay.. ill go with you.. and sarah was all.. okay ill call you when im ready... so .. a while passes and i call sarah back.. and shes all.. oh im already at the party.. so just come over.. and then shes all.. oh wait.. here.. talk to natalie... and she says.. "well, this is a family thing.. i cant just invite my friends over here" (while sarah is there).. i was like.. "okay.. well, thanks for leaving my ass last night.".. and then she was just coming up with all of these dumb-ass excuses.. which werent very relevant..she just kept on going on and on.. and i just said "just shush.. you know.. that was hella messed up.. i would have never left you like that.. i would have called you or something" and she just kept on trying to make excuses and i just hung up on her.. so then i was pissed.. and.. you know.. if you were a true friend, you would wanna make things right .. and call back.. but did they call back.. no. so.. yeah.. then later i was "trying to hang out with jessica" (inside joke) but she was mighty tired.. then i just called people.. saw if there was anything going on.. next week is ashley's party.. um.. just dumb stuff... ON A SATURDAY NIGHT oh yeah.. i called betsy.. she was kinda pissed because her friends who my friends were with.. left her too. so we were chatting for a while on the phone.. i got invited to go to the grad.. but didnt wanna go.. plus there wasnt that much room. haha.. so then betsy left.. i was left here with my cousin with nothing to do. yeah.. this is the 1st saturday night that ive stayed fuckin home in so long.. i went to shellica's.. fuck.. i went to sarah m's.. i went everywhere.. well, not really.. just a lot of places.. hmmm.. im just hella irritated right now. im hurt.. i mean.. i would never leave my friends like that. that is just hella shitty.. and im not like that and i never thought that my friends would be.. hella people have been telling me.. for hella long.. to get new friends.. and that the friends i have arent true friends.. i never wanted to believe it.. but i guess a lot of light is shining on that subject right now.. and its making me question my relationship with a lot of people.. i dont know .. this will all be in the past someday.. or actually.. tomorrow.. but um.. i gotta go before i write something else that ill regret later.. or not Current Mood: disappointed Current Music: "I Feel So" - Box Car Racer (Comment on this)
Saturday, June 22nd, 2002
11:17 am	What If Theres Another One She's Thinking Of... so... life has been pretty boring lately. i feel like screaming at the top of my lungs just to get a reaction from someone. oh yeah.. i bought 3 new dvds. the Mothman Prophecies, Rollerball, and Black Hawk Down. that will keep me busy for about 4 days.. hopefully. um .. my cousin is supposed to come down today.. my other cousin is gone.. in hawaii.. she left me.. but i went to go see candi before she left .. last night.. her plane was at around 10 today i think. so shes probley already home. Summer is here.. it started out really great and fast-paced.. but now it has slowed down.. its not even that hot outside.. im really disappointed. but last night while driving home, the radio said that there was a heat-wave coming this tuesday, so im really excited. i cant wait to have a party or something and go swimming and show off my newly developed abs and biceps.. haha.. but i can't help myself when you put your hands on me. its paradise when you and i get close get tight. this summer is going to be so fun. i hope... next week will be the best because my cousin is coming back and some other friends are coming back from hawaii and colorado.. so that will be great. hopefully i will be able to use the car and stuff like that. i cant wait for my case to settle and get all that money.. i hope i will get a lot of money in the near future.. hopefully i will/can get an agent and then become famous and all that good stuff.. i need to get some acne medicine.. even though my face has cleared up a lot.. i still want to get some prescription so it will stay clear forever. haha.. im walking away.. from the troubles in my life... you know what.. i wanna go to a concert. hmm... i wonder which ones and who is coming.. i cant wait to get a job.. i called fuckin cattlemens for like the 18 billionth time... i dont even want a job that bad.. but.. that would be kinda cool to say "my first job was at cattlemens". haha j/k. but now i truly realize, some people dont wanna compromise, when i saw them with my own eyes spreading those lies. and i dont wanna live my life, too many sleepless nights, not mentioning the fights.. (sigh)... music is great. i have noticed that i have been updating this thing-a-ma-jigger every time i am online.. hm.. weird.. but um.. im bored and irritated, so im gonna go back to bed or something.. listen to music.. OH GUESS WHAT!!! i cleaned my room and washed my comforter cover. its all soft again.. mm.. i slept so good last night.. just wishing someone was next to me. haha.. but we wouldnt have been sleeping.. but um.. im bored.. i am so proud of myself... for cleaning my room.. i had about 6 wal-mart plastic bags full of shit.. trash.. and old papers.. just unnecessary shit.. but.. i cleaned it all out.. but i bet theres a lot more in my room.. but.. im gonna go.. later Current Mood: hyper Current Music: "7 Days" (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 18th, 2002
11:11 pm	Special Delivery... oh my fuckin GOD.. im sofa king mad right now.. i just was spilling out my guts and emotions on my keyboard and i get kicked of the internet ONCE AGAIN. im so tired of this shit kicking me off all the time when im almost done writing too... but oh well.. i guess thats a sign of not to post all of those things... maybe i should be thanking God for doing that or something .. im tired of all of this bull shit. my life has been.. well.. i dont think ill discuss that or anything for that matter .. ... .. today was really slow. i had wrote this earlier.. so i dont feel like writing it again this summer, i plan to get stronger in every aspect... physically, emotionally, and.. um.. whatever way i found that can get stronger.. haha.. my biceps have gotten bigger.. haha.. i am really tired of trying to "toughen up" my mom... shes such a weak person. in my point of view, she has never really been through anything drastic.. but i have to realize that i havent been there all throughout her life and all of that.. i mean.. i know of a lot of stuff that happened to her that would shape the person that she is today.. i just hope that her conditions arent in my genes.. i dont wanna be crazy all the time. haha. j/k.. but.. i know its hereditary or whatever that word is. i feel that no matter what i say, even if i scream it at the top of my lungs, wont affect my mom. i just try to explain to her that she is supposed to be the one designated person in a family that is supposed to try and keep everyone together and be strong for everybody. since i dont really have a dad, she has to do it on her own. my dad isnt there for emotional support.. just financial.. and today, that seems to be everything. i wish that i had a father. i mean.. fuck.. i have friends whos fathers are more like a dad than my own. but i guess that is good because i will have those people there for me and stuff. im tired of constantly being bothered and irritated. my parents contribute to those emotions all of the time. i just.. my spine cringes everytime i hear my dad, with his plastic back for lunch, walk in the door. he is just a nag and just so irritating all of the time. i need to start running some time soon. i hope cattlemens calls back soon so i can start working. i just need to stop and take a breath and realize that life isnt perfect and it never will be. i think i need to go and buy some dvds.. maybe that will supply a temporary bliss of some kind of happiness. haha.. thats how i escape: my dvds and my music. i need to call my agent. haha.. i wanna start on my career soon. thats another thing.. my goodness.. theres a lot of shit that i need to complete. i need to go see my therapist. hah.. im tired of all of this shit in my life that i dont need. i think i might go to new york. gawsh.. theres another source of chaos. (sigh)... i wish i was happy. i need to be happy. i think i am gonna start to clean all of this shit up here and then everything will be in order... and clean. alright.. im bored.. later Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: "She Loves Me Not" - Papa Roach (oh gawd).. gross. (Comment on this)
Monday, June 17th, 2002
11:16 am	You'll Find A Way... (sigh)... i was just writing in here for days and i got kicked off of the internet which deleted my whole fuckin novel. haha.. but. ill try to start over. School is out! Thursday was our last day and everything. I'm not going to talk about that night until later... maybe. Since Dixon didn't have school on Friday, I decided to head on to Winters and go to their last day of school. It was nice and everything and being surrounded with familiar faces was great and people just saying "I can't believe it's Jesse!" and just things of that nature was also great, but I still kinda felt out of place. I mean, all of the things that went down there and all of the memories coming back just wasn't what i needed. But I stayed there throughout the day and visited people. I even went to the little rally where every grade gets to move on to the next bleacher which symbolically means they move on to the next grade. Everyone was excited that I was there and kept on asking me "Are you coming here next year?!? You better!". It got me thinking... Am I going to that school next year? I doubt it. I'm completely not sure, but I am hoping to stay in Dixon. I am so tired of driving, I hate driving. So Friday night was a long night. I went to Vacaville with some friends and then came back for Winters' Graduation Ceremony. Then picked up my cousin and went back to Vacaville and then went to Dixon and then back to Winters. It wasn't exactly like that, I mean, we did stuff while in those towns, but it is too much to write. This weekend was sofa king long for me... So... Then on Friday, I get a call on my cell phone at 9 in the morning; it's Sarah saying "Where are you?!? We have been knocking on your door forever! Aren't you ready?". I was like.. what are you talking about?!? and she says "I told you to be ready by 9. Angie and I are out here. Are you ready?!?" (gasp) I forgot I was supposed to be ready by 9 to go to the lake on Angie's fat ass boat.. haha.. so I got ready and they left me and came back in like 2 minutes. So I didn't get a chance to do my hair or get any socks for that matter. haah.. So going to the lake and meeting Angie's family (mom, dad, and little sister) was nice. Their boat is so nice. I was even offered a chance to drive it, but I was just happy to be there and be privileged enough to be Angie's friend. haha. So it was very nice. After getting back from the lake, I went out with Natalie. I'm not really sure what we did... OH YEAH! We went to Winters and searched for a party along with my cousin. We found it... it was a huge ass party. It was out in the country and the house was huge atop of a hill and the whole fucking hill was covered with cars! I wanted to go so bad, but people had to be home so we just went back to Dixon and my mom gave my cousin and I a ride back to Winters where we were supposed to secretly go to a party. We didn't end up going because my cousin was tired and what not. So I was kinda disappointed. But there's always this whole summer! So the next day which was Sunday was my cousin's birthday/graduation party. It was nice... Good Food!. ahha.. some friends. Then I came home last night and went out with Natalie and Sara R and Jessica and Kate... we ended up going to Kevin's house and to Taco Bell.. (finally).. haha.. but Gawsh this weekend has been so long. It doesn't seem like it to you.. but that's only because there's a lot of stuff I didn't and don't intend on writing.. .. silence.. hah... I hope you all reading this, even if I don't know you, have a great summer and I hope to see you sometime.. alrighty.. later Current Mood: rejuvenated Current Music: "Cleaning Out My Closet" - Eminem (Comment on this)
Monday, April 8th, 2002
9:20 pm	sHiTTy DaY yeah so today was a shitty day.. it was monday.. but i didnt go to school cuz im sick.. which sucks .. but oh well.. i woke up at around 7 and tried to figure out what i was gonna do all day and wonder when my doctor's appointment was.. so then my mom yells and tells me that theres Burger King.. mm.. yumm yumm.. then i eat and go back upstairs and take my shower and get ready .. look nice.. then do wash.. and all that good stuff.. it was a boring day.. oh yeah.. yesterday.. i dont think i ended up doing anything.. hold on.. lemme think.. alright i remember.. yesterday.. i just .. for once.. actually stayed home.. it was okay i guess... we got pizza.. mm .. from labella's.. the best pizza.. i ate.. cleaned up a little bit.. seperated my clothes to be washed.. started wash.. retarded stuff.. so today.. thats all i did.. like yesterday.. boring.. but tomorrow im going to school.. which will be kinda fun.. i kinda miss school.. ill see all my friends.. woo.. haha j/k.. alright.. im really bored and i dont really have anything to write about so.. im just gonna go now.. later Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: "oops.. oh my" by tweet (Comment on this)
Sunday, April 7th, 2002
3:38 pm	(Cough)(Cough) (clearing throat)... so... (cough)(cough).. im still sick, which is kind of good because i dont have to go to school tomorrow because i have a doctors appointment. so... umm.. yesterday.. was okay.. hmm. lemme think.. trying to remember yesterday... oh yeah.. (cough).. okay im gonna stop putting that.. anyways. yesterday, i stayed home. ahah.. yeah right. haha. umm. for the day i picked up sarah and we went to the fairfield mall which was kinda boring but kinda fun. we went to best buy and looked at some c.ds.. then we went to the mall and went to umm... pacific sunwear?.. yeah.. we went to that place.. and damn.. their clothes there are hella expensive.. i was gonna buy these shorts.. i thought theyd be kinda cheap because the fabric felt cheap and i fuckin look at the tag and they are $50.. i was like.. whoa.. but they would have looked nice on me but i didnt have that much money, so i didnt wanna waste it on those shorts.. so then we went on to these stores.. i didnt really pay attention to any until we were heading towards "See's Candie".. mmm.. so i ran over there and got my usual.. $5 of almond squares... yumm yumm so then sarah ran over to me and .. then we went upstairs to that other little record store.. nothing there.. except tweet's c.d and ashanti's c.d .. i was gonna buy one.. but then i didnt want to.. so then im leading the way.. to only God knows where.. and these black chics were checking me out.. and we crossed paths.. and we moved.. you know.. to let each other go by.. and i look behind me to make sure sarah was still there and her and the black chic got into a lil confrontation.. "EXCUSE ME!".. thats all i hear.. it was hilarious.. then sarahs with me again saying "its cuz im white and im with you". haha.. it was funny.. i was all "yeah i know.. she was checking me out".. haha.. then we went to little old navy.. and i had my red old navy shirt on.. and i was looking at shirts.. cuz they were cheap.. and sarah was all.. what size is that shirt your wearing.. its kinda big on you.. and i was all.. umm.. its a small.. haha. it was funny. all of the smalls were sold out.. so.. she got some pants.. i mean.. shorts.. then we left .. back to dixon.. then we were on the free-way and she kept on hitting me and i swerved.. and there was this couple behind us.. it was funny.. we were all busting up laughing.. the other people in the other car too.. i guess you had to be there.. but it was funny.. then i dropped her off.. came home.. with a "See's Candy" bag in my hands.. right in front of my mom.. shit.. if she woulda seen i woulda got in so much trouble.. cuz i told her that i was at sarahs watching a movie.. but yeah.. i pulled it off really good.. so i came home.. and deana, joanna, and their cousins, marlon and jordan were over from fairfield.. i think? so that was cool... but i went inside.. then came out .. talked for a lil bit and they got pizza.. and invited me over.. but i declined.. woo what a big word for me. haha then later on i went outside.. and waited for sarah to call and tell me she was off work... which took forever.. i wanted to go to the party.. so i wanted her to hurry.. but.. anyways.. i talked with everyone in the court for a lil bit.. which was kinda.. no.. it was REALLY boring.. but kind of fun.. we used to do that this last summer.. but i guess i grew away from them and it was kinda uncomfortable.. i mean.. i feel that im the outsider.. like.. they think that i think that im too good for them or something.. but.. i know they like me cuz they got all happy when i showed up. haha j/k.. so later the sun went in and it was time for me to go out.. partying... haha.. so i went and picked up sarah after work then we went to winters to pick up erika and karin and then went to Stars in vacaville.. the bowling alley.. which was a big mistake.. im sofa king stupid.. okay.. heres the story behind that... i went online and jason was on and he told me to go to the bowling alley because he was there all alone with his parents.. so i said i would go for like 2 seconds and i would bring sarah because he hella likes her.. and then we would leave because we were going to a party.. so then.. we went for like 2 minutes.. and i felt bad leaving.. too bad he didnt come with us or something.. cuz i felt bad.. but anyways.. so we headed back to winters.. and headed to gary's.. which i had no idea of how to get there... so we go ... and.. we get lost.. then we see all these people going to other way.. so we are thinking the party is over.. so then karin figures out that we passed the turn off.. so we turn around.. and theres all these bikers.. and its like 11.. at night.. we didnt know what was up.. so then we go on the right turn off.. and then we see all these people leaving.. so we call gary and he confirmed the party was over which fuckin sucked.. but oh well.. then we turn around.. kinda scary.. on a narrow.. gravel.. dirt.. so-called road.. then we go back to erikas and my aunt was all "back so soon?".. cuz we were supposedly at the bowling alley the whole time.. then we just hung out for a lil bit and watched stuart.. ahha.. it was funny.. then... i came home.. and watched the end of "stepmom" with my lover julia roberts... yeah... then came online.. then went to bed.. fun fun.. haha j/k oh well.. we will see what happens today.. natalie is coming home from her moms.. so that will be good.. we will see if her and sarah and i are gonna do something tonight.. maybe go to winters. haha.. well, later Current Mood: pessimistic Current Music: "Irresistable".. my theme song.. woo hoo.. haha (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 6th, 2002
7:38 pm	last days of spring break... im so sad and depressed because now.. spring break is almost over.. it practically is over.. but oh well.. ill get over it.. yesterday was fun. i went to winters and picked up my old friend dorrie.. we visited a lil and i talked with her mom which was my teacher for 1 semester last year. it was kinda weird.. so then we came back to dixon and picked up sarah and came back to my house.. woo. haha j/k. we started watching "Scary Movie 2".. for like 20 minutes.. but it was funny and it was nice having people at my house again. so then we went all the way back to winters and dropped dorrie off.. and i honked.. which i bet pissed off her neighbors. haha.. then sarah and i went to my cousin's house... and she and kyle were there on the couch.. i still dont know what is up with that.. but .. anyways.. i park where i usually park and sarah and i get off and start walking to the house and this car comes and it just stopped behind the van.. and we are like.. what the fuck.. and then i hear this girl say "you need to fuckin move your car, sir".. it was jenna with her lil friend from esparto.. i took their parking space i guess.. but they had left so.. it was mine.. anyways.. we went on the porch and i introduced sarah as jenny, tracy's friend.. haha. it was funny.. but the joke didnt last for long cuz erika knew that it wasnt jenny.. anyways.. we sat there and hung out on the porch.. sounds boring but it was actually fun.. i havent done that with erika in so long.. anyways.. jenna was in one of her classic moods and karin was .. i dont really know her.. but she was being talkative on the phone .. and i said that your not supposed to go to someones house and then use THEIR phone and have a long ass LOUD conversation on the phone.. karin was talking to matt .. umm.. pogano.. so then he said he wanted to talk to me.. i feel bad cuz i was kinda being mean.. but oh well.. then i gave the phone back.. blah blah blah.. it was cold outside.. then it got late.. around 12:40.. sarah had to be home at 1.. so then we left and i let her drive a lil bit.. it was very "scery". haha.. then we went to cheveron.. got some slurpys.. yum yum.. then came home.. (sigh)... it was fun.. then today i woke up.. and i couldnt breathe.. scary shit.. and then my back had some shooting pains.. and i still have them right now.. :(.. haha.. but oh well.. im bored .. we are gonna go to vacaville to stars bowling alley.. that will probley be dumb.. but oh well.. we will just have to see... oh well.. im gonna invite erika and her friends.. my friends.. see what happens.. gotta go.. see you later... Current Mood: curious Current Music: "Twork It Out" by Usher (Comment on this)
Friday, April 5th, 2002
3:05 pm	Sick as a Mo-Fo... hey journal thing.. i am sick.. it sucks.. but im still gonna go out tonight.. woo hoo. haha.. this spring break has been okay.. i just wish it could have been a bit hotter.. the clouds are here and its gloomy.. which doesnt really make me being sick any better. so. i cant breath through my nose and my throat feels like shit. i feel like shit. but i bet you dont really care. i have my friends to talk to abou this.. so ill talk about something else.. im kinda gone right now. (cough)(cough)... (sigh).. why am i sick. i think sarah got me sick but its alright. this is really boring. i think im gonna go back to winters today. im so glad that i can drive now.. you dont even understand. its so awesome .. the feeling of not having to ask my parents if they could TAKE me somewhere, where now i can just ask to use the car. the possibility of them saying yes to using the car is so much more.. that word.. than asking if they could take me. it just so awesome. i love it. i just cant wait till i have it for a year.. so then i can LEGALLY drive with people all night.. not just until 12... but i do it anyways.. but just knowing that its illegal kinda .. makes me feel kinda awkward knowing that the cops fuckin know my car in dixon and in winters.. which is a long story.. but oh well. (sigh).. i wanna go out.. sometimes when i go out when i have been sick.. i feel better and i get healthy. hah. i dont know if that will work this time though. yesterday i cleaned my room.. i re-arranged where my bed is. haha.. it took me .. not that long.. it looks nice.. i just have to put all my shit back in that lil room. that will take a while. i keep on telling myself that it is sunday so ill do my homework.. but im not gonna go to school on monday cuz i have a doctors appointment. so.. that is kinda good.. but kinda bad.. im gonna miss hella shit because i was absent on the friday before break because all the PE classes went ice-skating.. so.. missing school on the returning monday will put me kinda behind.. but oh well.. ill catch up.. you know what.. i have been doing all of my homework for most of my classes which is so awesome for me.. i feel so good. but now i have just remembered that i have an essay due on tuesday for english.. its on anne frank.. gawsh. that is so old.. so many people have read that book.. like in fuckin 5th grade.. but oh well.. i didnt read it.. i can still do the essay though. i just have to complete all of the notes. (cough)(cough).. oh well.. this spring break will be good.. hopefully these last few days will make it all worth while.. i cant wait for summer.. this is supposed to be like a sample taste of what summer is supposed to be like.. well, thats how i look at it.. i dont think summer will be all cloudy like it is now.. but oh well, i think im gonna go before i stop coughing up blood again.. later.. Current Mood: sick Current Music: "Don't Leave Me" by Blackstreet.. just flippin through music (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 30th, 2002
3:05 pm	Spring Break spring break is finally here and im actually happy.. this last week went by at a regular but kinda fast pace. monday was .. boring.. same as tuesday and wednesday.. thursday i had hella tests in like.. 4 of my classes and on friday.. all of the PE classes went ice skating... well, those who wanted to. it was pretty boring.. i would have to say that the funnest parts were in the bus on the way home.. hah.. the radio was on.. so i started making fun of all the songs.. hilarious. then.. after we got home.. i hung out with sarah, natalie, and krista.. i wouldnt actually call it.. "hanging out".. cuz all we did was ask each othere "what do you wanna do?" so.. i just got fed up with it and walked home while the girls went back to school to get krista's sister for money.. then later i picked up sarah and went to longs to get her her facial cleaning stuff.. then we just drove around.. guess what.. asking each other "what do you wanna do?".. coincidence huh.. then.. i dropped her off.. went home.. did nothing.. then at 8 i picked up natalie and sarah and we went to vacaville for one of those shows at the community center.. or at least i thought it was the community center.. me and natalie didnt really like it.. but sarah wanted to see her lover really bad.. so.. we stayed.. i taught natalie how to figure 8 and then we got this broken glow stick and put the "glow-stuff" on our hands and were giving little gay light shows to each other to entertain ourselves as sarah got kicked out cuz.. she went outside to talk to that one guy and they wouldnt let her back in.. so then we left.. and poor little jason.. he was all "where are you guys going?".. and .. i felt bad leaving him cuz he hella likes sarah and that was one of the reasons why i brought sarah.. it was funny.. so then i didnt wanna say .. oh we are leaving.. so i just said "i dont know.. ask natalie".. so he was all to natalie "wanna go to mc.donalds for some food".. so .. we ended up .. driving.. across the fucken street to mcdonalds. ..boring.. boring .. boring.. i wanted a mcflurry.. so me and angie got the 2 for $3 thing.. which was alright.. then.. we left.. and sarah kept on honking the horn at all these people.. which was kinda funny. haha.... boring in vacaville... very boring.. to make a long story short.. we ended up back in dixon.. then sarah was all mad cuz she wanted to be in vacaville when natalie and i asked her if she wanted to stay and she said no.. so.. i dont know what that was all about.. then we got hungry.. and went to jack in the crack.. and then natalie saw her little lover.. jaime.. yeah i remember his name cuz i thought she was talking about this one girl i like.. and i was all mad cuz i thought that natalie was her friend and didnt tell me.. so.. that wasnt important.. so me and sarah were making fun of natalie.. we think she likes him.. but oh well.. then before we knew it.. it was around 11:30.. time for natalie to be home.. haha.. just before she got out.. that one song.. "freaks of the industry".. .. you know?.. well, that song was all.. and he was all.. "what do you do.. a) you plain and simply back up off her b)you hit it just a little bit softer c) you pull it out and stick it in her butt ... well, d) is what i do so you listen up..." and when he was gonna say "butt" there was this hella big fart noise instead.. it was hilarious.. haha.. we were laughing our asses off... natalie was glad she was there for that.. haha.. then we left to put gas.. and there were pigs everywhere.. gawsh.. i was hella scared.. but then.. yeah.. time went by then it came time to drop sarah off and we were all in the country talking about fuckin ghosts and people being murdered.. scary shit.. so then we HAD TO get back into town.. cuz the country looked hella scary.. .. and sarah left to washington this morning.. at fuckin 5 am.. i couldnt do that.. .. well, maybe i could.. but.. yeah. shes coming back thursday.. and tonight is that hotel party that cess .. i think.. is throwing.. so me and natalie and her friend are gonna go to that.. so.. spring break has started out pretty good. i guess.. haha.. well, im gonna go now.. later... Current Music: "i need a girl" p. diddy f/ usher (Comment on this)
Monday, March 11th, 2002
8:07 pm	...cant...move..upper..lip..... today i got my teeth pulled. obviously.. now i cant move my upper lip.. its irritating.. but its kinda funny. i was all trying to talk and i cant. i was trying to eat. umm.. and .. not a good idea. yeah so this last week was really hectic.. this weekend was the worst. i had to do my science research project.. and THANK GOD for jinelle.. my lifesaver. she had powerpoint on her computer.. im so thankful .. haha.. but yeah.. i had to do that.. and i was supposed to do my geometry homework and my english homework but that was kinda impossible.. but oh well.. i have my license and for what.. i cant drive because my asshole of a dad says i cant because im not on the insurance.. and another thing.. i have to pay for it.. my brother didnt have to pay for his and just because im smart.. i have to pay for mine... thats just bullshit.. but its okay i guess.. cuz i will be more independent i guess.. hmm.. last night was the documentary "9/11".. it was hella sad because right when the people went into the lobby of WTC 1, there were 2 people on fire.. and every couple of minutes.. you would hear a big "BAND/CRASH!" and that would, obviously be the falling/jumping people who had come to face with death.. i dont know.. it was really sad.. and just so real.. the building collapsed on top of the people that were filming.. but they managed to get out. the searching part at Ground Zero was just aweful.. i mean.. they spent 24 hours searching and all they found was a foot one day.. and then the next day they found a whole body of a women whos clothes had all been burned off of her. she looked pregnant.. it was .. indescribable.. Current Mood: depressed Current Music: "I Care For You" - Aaliyah (Comment on this)